Sunday, 31 May 2009

More Disaster

This weekend has been awful. I don't really know why except that it has been and I have made it that way. I think I should probably put it down to hormones and the stress of being by myself all the time but it's just been a horrible weekend and I don't know what to do to put myself right. Last night and this evening I don't seem to have been able to get a grip on myself.

I guess in part the particular upset this weekend is down to my knitting - but that in itself is just part of being here. The only people I see here socially are through knitting and so I guess I spend more time knitting than I do at home and so when it all goes wrong it all feels somehow more important. Yesterday morning I made a mistake on the clapotis, which I had been enjoying knitting because it was so incredibly easy and mindless. Having tried to put a lifeline in and twisted a few stitches, I took the thing into Knit One in Squirrel Hill (not Natural Stitches this time because I feel like everytime I go in I need help), the lady there was sort of helpful and said to bring it back tomorrow when they had a knitting group in and there was sure to be someone who would 'take me under their wing'. I dutifully went back with the thing today and didn't seem to get any real help but was encouraged to rip the whole thing back and start over.

I did. I really wish I hadn't, it totally didn't need that. So now I have no clapotis and I'm too stressed and teary to start the damned thing over again and not have it go wrong (I've tried twice).

I wish this wasn't so important to me, but I think I have been using knitting to keep me distracted and so now I can't do that right I just seem to be completely lost. I gave up completely after the last failed restart and just bawled on my bed for a bit. Sometimes crying helps take the edge off things - I don't think today is one of those days.


  1. ((hugs)) - sorry you feel so low

  2. I'm sorry to hear the alone-ness is getting to you, I usually find that I end up talking to myself and worryingly start to find myself doing it in public...

    I've really been enjoying looking at your pictures of places, and the little descriptions of the things you've seen. I know things are hard at the moment, but I think what you're doing is amazing and you're braver than me. I'm very jealous, well, apart from the burnt beef burgers :-)

    I was half contemplating doing a bit of knitting but I am not sure I have the patience, what did you start making first of all, was it socks? I've made some baby booties way back in the past but nothing in about 8 years. I'll be surprised if I remember how to cast on!

    This has been a very rambly comment, I guess what I am trying to say is I know you're a long way away but you're not really on your own, we're all thinking of you.

    Eat more doughnuts.

  3. Sweetie, you are ALWAYS welcome at Natural Stitches. Even if it's just for help. We love helping our customers!



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