More Disaster

This weekend has been awful. I don't really know why except that it has been and I have made it that way. I think I should probably put it down to hormones and the stress of being by myself all the time but it's just been a horrible weekend and I don't know what to do to put myself right. Last night and this evening I don't seem to have been able to get a grip on myself.

I guess in part the particular upset this weekend is down to my knitting - but that in itself is just part of being here. The only people I see here socially are through knitting and so I guess I spend more time knitting than I do at home and so when it all goes wrong it all feels somehow more important. Yesterday morning I made a mistake on the clapotis, which I had been enjoying knitting because it was so incredibly easy and mindless. Having tried to put a lifeline in and twisted a few stitches, I took the thing into Knit One in Squirrel Hill (not Natural Stitches this time because I feel like everytime I go in I need help), the lady there was sort of helpful and said to bring it back tomorrow when they had a knitting group in and there was sure to be someone who would 'take me under their wing'. I dutifully went back with the thing today and didn't seem to get any real help but was encouraged to rip the whole thing back and start over.

I did. I really wish I hadn't, it totally didn't need that. So now I have no clapotis and I'm too stressed and teary to start the damned thing over again and not have it go wrong (I've tried twice).

I wish this wasn't so important to me, but I think I have been using knitting to keep me distracted and so now I can't do that right I just seem to be completely lost. I gave up completely after the last failed restart and just bawled on my bed for a bit. Sometimes crying helps take the edge off things - I don't think today is one of those days.

:(

There are too many days of misery at the moment. I know it's because I have too much time on my hands - I like having days where I know what I'm doing - but it feels quite a lot like being permanently hormonal.

This morning wasn't too bad, I got up at 8 because I was all awake. We'd organised to meet as a kitchen at 9:30 and drink hot beverages so I had a shower and then did that for an hour before heading onto campus. Got to campus and nosed around Freshers' Fair. Once I'd been round Freshers' Fair I hung around for a bit with Bailrigg and the cinema . Got the bus back into town and ran an errand for Hobnob. Went from bank-errand-running to the library where I sat on the floor and read a book before choosing some others to borrow. Took my books back to my room and sorted out the vast array of junk I'd acquired at Freshers' Fair. I then made and ate lunch and then my day mostly seemed to waste away. I don't even seem to be able to code any more.

Grrr. :(

Rubbish me

I hate crying when people are mad at me.

Doing Nothing

... is a fantastic way to depress yourself.

Today I have mostly done nothing and now I am miserable. Gr.

Tomorrow I shall go out and then the world will be right again. Hurrah!

4/7 Down...

Yep, I finished the last few pages of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire earlier this evening. I was rather sad at the end. The first really Harry Potter death comes as a bit of a shock really (and yes I did know it happens - these are all rereads).

I am also sad generally for reasons unknown - I think I might be a girl!

Also happening in my world today...

* It's raining and we still can't drink the mains water.
* Work is sometimes hard.
* People are almost always hard.

But that all sounds rather miserable, I think I'd better think of some happy things to write...

* I am mostly packed up now and was very please that so much of it fitted into the car - I really didn't expect it to.
* I've just found the perfect CD to listen to.
* I bought a very lovely summer dress today (though I really didn't need to).